rashadaalia's Blog

question is have you have this experience happen before to you?
i saw a light dart ahead of me.. it was small.. no lights on the side i thought it was a bat the way it flew.. but i couldn't see the other eye.. my eyes fixed on it. and i was listening to music loud so if it was a bat or bird it would be more afraid of the high volume i thought. i waited to see a second pair to call it eyes of a bird or bat.. it was a lil after sunset... i gulped after realizing it wasn't a bird or bat.. i blinked and it was gone after it "flew towards a tree top... the light density changed during flight so i thought i'd eventually see a second light. but it was a single light.. not sure if it could be a bat.. but i wondered if it was a mini-ufo... lol... oh and it was nothing like a lightning bug.. they flash and remain constant each time lit... this lasted on for a while... then went black i guess.. i looked a little for it but i was still biking with no technical difficulties or aches that time biking.

Wow. i used to believe everything was all fine with the Adam and Eve story and the Noah story too.. i'm not really Christian anymore.. but they stuck with me.. what about the Adam and Eve story? i mean if they were just one man and one woman and they helped colonize earth.. i don't believe how that's too possible. except for that explains a lot in todays society: with people who do vandalism and school shootings and why some families raise kids with mental or physical disabilities people get miscarriages or not able to have children and how we have terrorists, and crazy people.... and people who die stupid deaths (like the one of snorting fire ants).. and why there are stupid people...
Because.. if Adam and Ever had many children... but they are all related then.. and then that means they inbred for generation to generation. and maybe Adam and Eve were so holy that there presented no problem at first. There's some specalation about a woman before Eve but it was said all her kids died one by one one day a year... but then if all there were were Adams kids with Eve.. then they would have to imbreed and i don't believe in imbreeding... i don't know i just woke up with that conclusion... and it botherd me that i'll put it on here... and with the Noah story, if he kept only two of each animal (one male, one female), then animals can be seen as dumb b/c they would have to inbreed.. i mean for this thing.. it's like one male and two female adults who love the country.. tried to make their own population and let's say one female isn't able to have kids idk.. just for an example... if two people(male and female) try to make as much babies as they can and they are isolated enough then their kids would be the ones who have to inbreed for human survival. and what about the ratio from humans then to humans now? i mean Adam and eve's generation.. only 2 people: all the worlds population today.. something's just not right about that.... now i believe there had to be other ways for human survival... i mean i considered from Adam and Eve's children.. that they got their ribs tooken by God like Adam and made a new mate like a snowflake.. but if that's so.. where's the proof? and if that was then.. when did it stop because now we don't think God like took us from dirt or a rib like we used to... we just think he helped our mom carry us from our dad... but if like a christian, we are calling ourself "All Children of Adam", right? in a sense... then we are generations and generations of inbreeding in a way? and that thing about God's blood in our veins.. if God made Adam and Eve.. he would have put his mark on them.. and probably encripted a DNA of them to be so holy for the good luck part of it that people to this day are actually still good and rightous.

i can't sleep cuz i'm too upset.. it hurts to sleep in the same bed as Everett.. and it's been that way for 3 weeks. i haven't been getting my rest... it's so hard to pretend to love yourself so much when no one else feels the same for you. he has to say things that get me going. that upset my deepest emotions. when he was in the middle of vacuuming... he told me "well you gotta be careful what you say around my friend" cuz his friend told his uncle and he told his mom. and i can only imagine what she said to him about me. i'm sick of living like that. she never gave me a chance. then i feel so distrustful cuz i feel i can't trust his friends at all anymore. his friend is a male named Brian (i'll change his name but it's close enough like it does for a book or movie)... anyways.. "Brian" got his girlfriend pregnant. and i'm so sick of people acting like it's okay if every other girl is pregnant and it's totally bad and wrong if i am. and my fiance don't want to talk things out with me. he dont' care about my feelings. i just feel like i gotta get away i don't belong here and i'm short for options. i sorta tried to get along with his friends. but i feel so betrayed. and i don't want to talk with Brian ever again. and i was thinking about helping his pregnant girlfriend take care of her baby. but not if my fiances' mom is acting like Brians' pregnant girlfriend is so special and deserves it and it's wrong if i want to get pregnant. it's not helping my cause. i hate this sort of treatment. and all that i swear is affecting my job and he has to hassle me about getting a job in a small town where everybody hates me. even if i tell my fiance something, he tells Brian and i don't like that.. things can get embarassing with him. Man, i don't know what to do with my life. i don't know if there is any one out there who can care for me. so many people hate me. i can't trust no one.

man i just feel so ticked off too.. i'm so mixed emotions.. i'm crying but i'm more ticked off at people and how they treat me. is there a chance i can be cared for equally?

ok. one day, my fiance and i were waiting for a plane to

arrive. we thought we saw it. but it went funny. and then, we waited.. it

seemed to vanish. then we went in and used the bathroom he had to and

then we went out it couldn't be found. we looked for the plane on the

ground and it wasnt' there. waited a tiny bit more. then asked about it and

they said another hour. and we waited and nothing. then we asked after

an hour and she said another hour. so there were some unexplained lights

two hours before the plane showed up. it was far away and it was just

some red or white light. i can't remember the color. maybe a bit of both?

one or the other i think. or blue? i don't know but it looked like a plane light.

but it wasn't the plane. no noise.

ok. the cops here in my town wouldn't do much, i must agree with my fiance there. but, yesterday, it was the first day in our new place for me and my boyfriend. it's supposed to be our place.. mine and his only. not his mom. but his mom is living there too because my boyfriend is a mama's boy. he thinks she has to be there with us for some reason. he claims the reason is because the relatives won't let her live at the old place anymore, he said he doesn't want anything to happen to her. well, the last place was "hers" but the relatives claimed it, my boyfriends' adoptive uncle and cousins. so we had to go by her rules there. she kept yelling at me there and she didn't let my boyfriend and I to do much. we couldn't hug or kiss in front of her. one day she yelled at me for at least the fourth time and i decided i couldn't stay there any longer. but I let my boyfriend talk me back in staying. because i wasn't wanting to be single, i wasn't ready to leave him. i didn't want to leave him but i remembered he told me if i leave that house it's over. but so i planned on seeing him at his lunch work break. anways, i think you get the picture so far...

now, our new place is to be his and mine. not his mom's. she lives there as a guest. yesterday was our first day there.. even though we still got piles of boxes around. yesterday my boyfriend planned to go to a meeting to get free ipods, but that didn't happen. here's the story of what happened:

we were heading out of the house and his mom tries to stop him in his tracks. she starts yelling for no reason and i didn't realize that she pushed him, but i just saw that she blocked his path, he might have lost his balance... i was just following him out the door... then we try to continue on and as i walk by, she hits my chest. i get away from here, by backing up, based on my basic instinct. he tells her she better not hit me, but i told him that she already did.. then she threatens to me that she will do more than that... my boyfriend tells me to hurry into the car and she strikes at my hand. she broke my right index fingers' nail and thumb and it escalates to my wrist and i couldn't move my wrist. my wrist was throbbing with pain and i couldn't move it for a while, then when i tried to move it, it hurt and we had to unload the car with some more boxes and that it more too. then my boyfriend is yelling back and forth with his mom and i'm outside and i don't know what to do. i tell him i want to go to the police now. but he don't listen. and he hardly cared that i got hit twice by his mom cuz he didn't end up doing anything. and he just said if she hits me again then he'll have me charge files on her. for one thing, she is a old lady. i think she's just menopausing. and for another, i don't want to risk it. so i didn't stay at home. i waited for my boyfriend to leave for work and then i got dressed, took a four-pack of yogurts with a spoon and left. i should've brought other things but this morning i wasn't feeling very materialistic at all! i used the bike of my boyfriends he lets me use. i don't know the proper way to feel but i am muslim and i cannot stand for injustice. the cops probably wouldn't do anything even if she hits me a billion times. they might just tell her to not hit me anymore because i'm not her child and leave me to fend for myself!

so, my question is.... well, if you have a nice opinion about the story, please feel free to respond.. if you at all feel that this story is insignificant, just answer me this: how does stress affect a woman trying to be pregnant? i am just so worried that maybe it finally worked getting pregnant and now she ruined it. maybe she killed the baby, maybe she caused a deformity. i took an online test before and it asked a question about stress and i answered it truthfully, i answered something like i get a lot of stress.. but the results were that i could be pregnant, but keep trying. i don't know what to do if she has been ruining my chances all along. i don't think it's fair she is ruining my life's oppertunities. and i heard from the internet that if you are not pregnant in a year of trying,then you are infertile. i get my cycles.. and i will blame her if i get my next one. or if i get round and something is wrong with the baby. who wants that to happen to them? why must that stuff have to happen to me? tell me if you or someone you know went through anything like that... how much stress can a first trimester mother take? in case i am... and what if i can't be pregnant till she's dead because all the stress she gives me???

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

Well, I've moved with my boyfriend at his house. Where his mom lives too. We did all we could to get along between the three of us but to me, it wasn't working. And my boyfriend was telling me if I left it would be over.. but one day I just felt like I had to go. Not because of him but because of his mother. Nothing I did pleased her. She didn't like seeing us together all the time. She always wanted me to do things for her even right away. Even when I had a job it wasn't enough for her. She was claiming to wanna hit me but she didn't get that chance just yet. I left my boyfriend a note but the mom only found the first page. It was like those sticky notes, one behind the other, a couple of pages long only.

Anyways, I had my stuff packed to my mom's and I had some money left from my last check and I needed to go buy ingredients for Ramadan foods. At the store, my stomach hurt and I said to my mom, "mom, i feel like something is happening bad to (my boyfriend)". I told my mom after the store i wanted to go see him to talk with him first before anything really.

But before I knew it, when my mom and I were back home, my boyfriend came to the door. And i hugged him and wanted to speak to him one on one. He wasn't going to let me off that easily. He always says sweet things to me. He said he saw how much I meant to him and that he was going to change for himself. He realized how he was making me feel and said he felt so bad that he would do everything he can to treat me better.

And to top that off with a cherry, he said we got big plans for the future. My mom was telling me two good things about me.. that she could see I was mature and that I am ready for a relationship. And personally, I'm not ready to be single. I don't ever want to be single. I couldn't live without my boyfriend and neither could he live without me.

If you say caramel with 2 syllables - Atlantic&Southern U.S.

If you say the second syllable of the word, pajamas, like the word "jam", it's NorthWestern&Great Lakes and West Coast U.S.

I'm an honory homie.

My emoticon is... Angry.

If you say "route" and it rhymes with "root", That's the way they say it typically in NorthEastern U.S.

If you say "cot" like "caught". that's New England mostly.

the word "sack" is supposed to be only used in the Southern U.S. (but i say my grocery bag like that most)

I'm Dixie - Barely a Yankie. Yankie/Rebel quiz.

I'm 30% Geeky.

I'm 33% a 70's girl.

I'm Big Thunder Mountain of a Disney ride.

I'm not the average American.

My Dreamhouse is a penthouse.

Me&Partner - best as friends.

I'd be reincarnated a bear.

Have 231.69 cans of wild cherry pop and you'll die.

My aura is blue.

I'm an intrapersonal thinker (spend a lot of time trying to and thinking about understanding myself. Reflect on my thoughts and moods. I understand how my behavoir affects my relationship with others.)

My dead body is worth $3,920.

I'm humility virtue.

I'm a family person.

My Quality- My good looks (until I get old)

Do I really wanna be a U.S. citizen? 25%

I'm a pheonix- myth animal. powerful and beautiful.

My soul is orange- balance, heat, enthusiasm, flamboyance, playfulness, agresson, over-emotion, danger, desire, concentraion, attraction, adaptability. Stimulation. Fire. Glory of fruit and Earth.

I'm not suitable yet for either heaven or hell.

I will die for Love.

I'm Trebuchet Operator -ancient warrior. -machine.

My spirit craves me to be somewhat secluded.

I should try out for the Marines, lol.

I'm Invidia (Envy) -deadly sin I'm, Jealousy, malice.

I scored 70% on my dog breeds -test.

I might survive if I was lost in a forest

High School Nerd.

Obsessive-Compulsive test- 42% -nothing out of ordinary. every1 stresses.

I belong on Space Age 20-21st centuries.

I'm a cat personality.

I'll die from disease.

Midland- good voice for tv and radio.

"Forgive and forget"

Realist, non-optimist or pessimist

Palm- 8/10 -hot!

I have a craniopagus parasite

I can't reallly tell what ppl are feeling by their face.

58% White

I'm a natural leader. -creative, assertive, and empathetic. Prob. have what it takes to move up in ranks.

Personal DNA  -Reserved Creator.

18r- I hate you

AAK- as a matter of fact

ADIH- another day in hell

AFAICT- as far as I can tell

AFK- away from keyboard

AWHFY- are we having fun yet?

B4YKI-  before you know it

BKA- better known as

BYOB- bring your own bottle

BRT- be right there

BTHOOM- beats the h*** out of me

BTWBO- be there with bells on

BZ- busy

CAAC- cool as a cucumber

CICYHW- can I copy your homework

CLM- career limting move

COS- change of subject

CTA- call to action

CWOT- complete waste of time

CYM- check your mail

DGTG- don't go there girlfriend

DIKU- don't I know you?

TTYL- talk to you later

TTFN- ta ta for now

IMHO- in my humble opinion

NSFW- not safe for work

FWIW- for what it's worth

TAFN- that's all for now

NP- No problem!

JAS- just a second

NIMBY- not in my backyard

IFGI- just f***ing google it

PHAT- pretty hot and tempting

AFAIC- as far as I'm concerned

IRL- in real life

IIRC- if I recall correctly

LMAO- laughing my a** off

FTW- for the win